How to Handle a Challenging Boss
What do you do when you genuinely want to stay in your position at work but have a boss or o-worker that, no matter what you do and from no cause of your own, is challenging, if not outright bullying, going after, and/or sabotaging you and possibly others?
There are the physical acts of documenting and reporting the unhealthy/undesirable behavior of the challenging person (I’ll refer to them as the CP for the rest of this article), the emotional inner work to be able to manage and handle the dynamic with less stress and personal impact while you’re still having to interact with them day to day (I think of this as treading upon the tail of the tiger), but in this article I will cover something less spoken about but important, what to do energetically to help both protect yourself and help the CP to find a new place away from you that will be a better fit for everyone.
Step One - Prep and Energetic Untangling/Unknoting and Cleansing
The bottom line is the CP is not a good fit for the position they're in and its likely not feeling wonderful for them. It is an issue of equal unhappiness and misalignment for everyone, with someone that doesn’t know how to identify this for themselves in a way that allows them to move on when something isn't right. You will be helping them open an energetic door or portal to a new space that is an energetic alignment for them, i.e. helping heal them which will inadvertently allow them to treat others better, and remove them from your environment and work energy with ease and grace. I like to think of these as win-wins. - For more information on how to do this go here
The following is where I suggest starting, and if it takes a little time and/or a few tries to achieve, that is totally normal. Give yourself the gift of patience, compassion, support, trust, determination, and openness.
✨But first a quick reminder: nothing anyone says or does to you or thinks about you has anything to do with your inherent value. Your inherent value is absolute and invaluable. We can accidentally equate how others treat us as a reflection of our value, good or bad - but it never is. It is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. - Read more about this here
Ok, back to it, a good first step is:
1. Doing what you need to get to a place of energetic neutrality (tips & tools here)
2. Then fill yourself with unconditional love and compassion (tips & tools here)
It is helpful to find the emotional and energetic space of compassion and nurturing/maternal love first before attempting to think about the CP.
Once you find yourself in a beautiful grounded safe space of unconditional love and compassion, you will want to bring in the intention of good will for the CP (if you need help getting to this state - you can try loving kindness guided mediations). The energy and emotional state of good will is like a physical location you can find and return to. If you have felt it once (like hoping a loved one gets the job they applied for and super happy for them when they get it), you can remind yourself of what that felt like and apply that feeling to this situation.
If it is hard to feel good will for the CP, start with people that are easier to feel that for and work your way to the CP. If it is still challenging to bring this energy in for them, try thinking of them as a small child or abused animal that is scared, upset, and having a tantrum or lashing out from fear, that you have nurturing/maternal love for and are here to help. Being able to feel compassion for another person is a quick hack to dissipate negative feelings towards them and correlating situations (this includes the discomfort and stress that we feel in response to a negative interaction with them) and helps us connect with more solutions and productive energetic states and paths.
Step Two - Gathering Information and Clarity
CP
Once you’ve found this grounded neutral space of good will and unconditional nurturing/maternal love, allow yourself to witness how this position might not be great for the CP and allow your unconscious to identify what would be a better situation and environment for them - this may just be a feeling of what that would feel like for them.
This will not only help expand your compassion for them (possibly inadvertently making it easier to bear their unpleasant behavior) it will also give you useful information for our next step.
You
Move your attention to yourself. Allow your unconscious to identify what would be a better situation for you - this may just be a feeling of what that would feel like. Sit in this feeling like it is a bath, allowing yourself to get comfortable and receive any information the experience provides you.
Where the two of you meet
Now imagine 1) they have their own large energetic space, 2) you have your own full large energetic space separate from them, and 3) imagine a large space between both of you where your energy meets (we’ll call this the combined energy space). Give this third space the same large amount of space you gave to each of you as consider it like a separate being with its own character and needs and energy.
Step Three - Energetic Communication
Once you’re 1) in this state of compassion and support, 2) are able to recognize and name the challenges and more aligned options for the CP, and 3) have experienced the three energy spaces: the CP’s, yours and the combined energy space you are ready for step three:
Wish for the situation to turn out the best possible for everyone involved (don’t move on until you fully feel this and are energetically sitting in it)
Energetically reach out to the CP’s soul with respect and consideration in that 3rd combined energy space. This cannot be something you’re forcing. You must genuinely feel and speak with and through the compassion, respect, consideration and support as you speak to their soul.
Example, “Hi Clair’s soul, with the deepest respect and greatest consideration, this is not a good fit for you and you deserve to be happy and have great dynamics with the people you work with. It is time for you to joyously move on to a place that’s a better fit for you. You’ll be so much happier and it will be so beautiful for you. I know you can have this. It is time. Time for you to effortlessly move on with ease and enthusiasm.” Add whatever details that fit this person.
Show their soul they have great options that they deserve and should absolutely do, that it is illogical and silly, down right doesn’t make sense for them, to stay in this unnecessary position that causes so much misery, tension, and exhaustion. We are basically giving them the energetic directions to and support they’re likely lacking that will allow them the power, energy, strength, and inner belief to move on.
Step Four - Letting It Go
Once you’ve completed what you have to say to them, thank them for their time, wish them well, and let it go with no need for a timeline, immediate results, specific results, or trying to control in any way. Leave it up to the universe, God, or whatever feels right for you to trust to take over and make happen. By you forgetting about it, you’re getting out of the way and allowing things to happen. Just like the sayings, “A watched pot never boils” or "A watched seed never germinates” adding your impatient or controlling energy only causes you more stress and distress, and adds more energetic gunk to the situation.
Parting Notes
You can repeat this every time you feel a less than fabulous response to the CP.
Similar versions of this process works for other people or situations that makes us feel distressed and less than fabulous. Go here for information on how to handle similar dynamics.
Access more guidance and support here.